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It's THAT time of year...
... when I battle off the nausea of incessant Christmas Carols with... improved versions. Like "Chipmunks roasting on an open fire... Jack Frost ripping off your nose... though we could die, any time, many ways, merry Christm -- what's that noise?"
First, a new one written just today:
And now, my popular holiday classic:
Ah, that helps cancel out the perkiness.
First, a new one written just today:
Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark and evil soul
With a leaden pipe and a jack-knife nose
And a heart as black as coal
Frosty the Snowman
Is a horror tale, they say
He rose from the snow
And the children know
That he came to life to slay
There must have been black magic
In that hockey mask he wore
For when we ripped it from his face
He melted to the floor.
Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark undead you see
And the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me
Yes, the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me!
And now, my popular holiday classic:
Slashing through the orcs
With a good two handed blade
Over corpses we go
And through the gore we wade
Mace on helmet rings
Making bodies fly
What fun to sing our slaying song
And watch these suckers die!
(Chorus)
Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold for fame and gold
We'll make a lot to day! HEY!
Ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!
Crashing through the door
Into the dragon's nose
Our mage whips out a Cone of Cold
And out its fire goes!
Elven bowstrings sing
Making balrogs fall
And our thief finds a secret door
Into the treasure hall!
(Chorus)
Then appears the lich
With his demon guard
Our wizard yawns and wishes we'd run into something hard.
He begins to cast
His 19th level spell
The damn lich throws a Gate at us
And drops us all in Hell!
(Chorus)
We appear in Hell
In front of Satan's throne
Our cleric waves us out the door and takes him on alone!
Satan's legions don't
Want to let us go
Our Techno pulls a bazooka out
And nukes 'em 'till they GLOW!
Oh, ring their bells with swords and shells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold and crazed, we're told
To think we'll live the day! Hey!
Ring their bells with prayers and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And drag our loot away!
(reprise last two lines)
Ah, that helps cancel out the perkiness.
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Fa-la-la la la, ex-ter-min-ate.
Who will love our Yuletide frolics
Fa-la-la la la, ex-ter-min-ate.
Who's Companions coming at us,
Ex-ter-min-ate, fa-la, ex-ter-min-ate.
We will give them their quietus,
Fa-la-la la la, ex-ter-min-ate.
Fa-la-la la la, ex-ter-min-ate.
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Exterminating rhythm, I'm all a-quiver.
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Tanya is still singing. ~:)
A friend of mine did "Duo the Deathscythe Pilot" years ago to the tune of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"... :)
Chipmunks? I learned it as "Chet's nuts roasting..." although I can see where most guys would shudder at that... ~:)
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some years ago, i ran karaoke. and so, of course, my sister and i wrote a "12 drinks of Xmas", tailored to the bars i worked in. i don't remember them all now - i most remember "5 Gold-shlauger!" or however it's spelled. "And a beer at (name of bar)" was the first day. so we were advertising for the bar we were singing karaoke in. good fun. "On the first day of drinking my bartender gave to me, a Beer at V.I.P. on the second day of drinking my bartender gave to me, two margaritas and a beer at V.I.P." and so on.
it ran on a radio station (i think it was CD101). my boss, the guy who owned the karaoke business, recorded it advertise a bar that he owned half of.
think i should sue for intellectual infringment? lol (really, not serious about, plus i told him he could use it so i dont have a case anyway)
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"On the first day of Christmas old Davros gave to me..."
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this is the only good thing about xmas tunes.
Time to break out the classic...
Walla Walla, Wash., an' Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!
Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby Lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo!
Bark us all bow-wows of folly,
Polly wolly cracker n' too-da-loo!
Hunky Dory's pop is lolly
Gaggin' on the wagon, Willy, folly go through!
Donkey Bonny brays a carol,
Antelope Cantaloup, 'lope with you!
Chollie's collie barks at Barrow,
Harum scarum five alarum bung-a-loo!
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I have a fun CD my uncle got me one year called a toolbox Christmas or something like that - it's instrumental Christmas songs played on assorted tools - highly amusing. I particularly like the table saw chorus in carol of the bells. :)
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featuring Santa's elite guard: his Paindeer.