seawasp | My annual Holiday Post...

To post my traditional Holiday material!

First, a look at the true origin of critical portions of the Christmas myth and their connection to Lord of the Rings.

Now, of course, we need to join in the traditional carol singing. The first of these is "Ring Their Bells"...

(to the tune of "Jingle Bells", of course)

Slashing through the Orcs
With a good two-handed blade
Over corpses we go
And through the gore we wade
Mace on helmet rings
Making bodies fly
What fun to sing our SLAYING song
And watch these suckers DIE!

CHORUS:
Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold
For Fame and Gold
We'll make a lot today!
Oh, ring their bells with swords and spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!

Crashing through the door
Into the dragon's nose
Our mage whips out a Cone of Cold
And out his fire goes!
Elven bowstrings sing
Making Balrogs fall
And our thief finds a secret door
Into the treasure hall!

(chorus)

Then appears the Lich
With his demon guard
Our wizard yawns and wishes
We'd run into something HARD.
He begins to cast
His 19th level spell
The damn Lich throws a Gate at us
And drops us all in Hell!

(chorus)

We appear in Hell
In front of Satan's throne
Our cleric waves us out the door
And takes him on alone!
Satan's legions don't
Want to let us go
Our Techno pulls a bazooka out
And NUKES 'em 'til they GLOW!

Oh, ring their bells with Prayers and Spells
Don't let 'em get away!
We're brave and bold and CRAZED, we're told
To think we'll live the day!
Oh, ring their bells with Swords and SHELLS
Don't let 'em get away!
We'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And blow these dudes away!

Yes, we'll hack and slash and blast and trash
And drag our loot away!

And now let's finish with the traditional favorite, Frosty the Snowman!

Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark and evil soul
With a leaden pipe and a jack-knife nose
And a heart as black as coal

Frosty the Snowman
Is a horror tale, they say
He rose from the snow
And the children know
That he came to life to slay

There must have been black magic
In that hockey mask he wore
For when we ripped it from his face
He melted to the floor.

Frosty the Snowman
Was a dark undead you see
And the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me

Yes, the children say
He'll be back one day
For revenge on you and me!